i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
