apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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