dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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