I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
