my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We are two peas in an std pod
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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