i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
