can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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