No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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