nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
