we have officially lost it.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
