Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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