Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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