Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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