I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
