How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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