NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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