Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
