Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
