you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
