So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
