I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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