Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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