he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize