We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
