I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
