You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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