you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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