I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This is classic penis vs brain.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
