Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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