I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
