i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
