I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
