What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
