i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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