apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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