You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
