Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
