she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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