On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
