Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
