I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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