Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize