That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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