I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
