is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
