I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
