How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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