A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we made out on top of his cat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
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