Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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