You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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