He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
