I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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