Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
