Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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