she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
