I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
