I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
