I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize