fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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