Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I look better un-naked...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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