dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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