New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
