dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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