I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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