too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
