haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
NoShamevember. You game?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
