fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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