so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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