ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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